Thursday, June 15, 2023

Miscellaneous: Bad writing

Would you buy this wine? 

I generally don't buy wine based on what's on the label, but I do read labels of unfamiliar wines. I came across this one yesterday and I was surprised at how badly written the back label was. Call me a pedant, but I have to speak up.

It says: "Eden Pinot Noir is described as a dry, light, medium bodied varietal with bright acidity with silky tannins. The wine varietal is grown in the foothills of the Santa Lucia Highlands in Monterey County on the central coast of California. Earthy aromas dominate this varietal including smells that bring a faint flora of Roses, Violets, and a slight smell of fruit. This Pinot Noir can be consumed on any occasion due to the wine making process of this varietal." 

Where to begin? First, "is described as" makes it sound like some unnamed third party has described the wine and the writer is letting us know that instead of, well, describing the wine. 

"Medium bodied" should be hyphenated. 

"Varietal" is a word I hate. It is so often misused. "Varietal" is an adjective. Pinot Noir is a variety. You might call this a "varietal wine" to suggest that it is made primarily from a single grape variety, but, please, don't call the wine or the grape variety itself a "varietal". 

"With bright acidity with silky tannins". I don't like the repeated use of "with." "With bright acidity and silky tannins" would read better. 

"The wine varietal" is awkward and vague. Are we talking about this particular wine or about the grape variety used? "Earthy aromas dominate this varietal" is vague again and the phrase suffers from the incorrect use of "varietal." Are we still talking about this wine or are we talking about the particular grapes used to make it or about the variety Pinot Noir in general?

"Including smells that bring a faint flora of Roses, Violets, and a slight smell of fruit." Well, I'm glad that the wine at least smells a little bit like fruit. That's welcome in a wine, but "smell" doesn't work very well here. Using "scent" would be better. 

"Flora" is the local plant life in a specific place. In medicine, "flora" refers to the bacterial population of the gut. I don't believe this wine will deliver to me a sampling of local roses and violets, faint or otherwise, and I hope the wine has nothing to do with intestinal bacterial growth. I think the writer means "faint scents of roses and violets". 

No need to capitalize "roses" or "violets." 

At the end, we are told  the wine "can be consumed on any occasion." Thanks for the permission. But I wonder if the writer has any opinion about recommended occasions? 

The very last bit leaves me wondering what wine-making process is being referred to and how it affects when and where it might be nice to consume this wine. 

Finally, "wine making" should be hyphenated, or even one word.  

Was this written by a chatbot?

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